It has been a minute since I posted, sometimes as a writer, you often don’t have words. The last month I have not had many words, I have shed many tears, asked many questions, and pondered the “Why” multiple times a day. I’ve relied on my friends and families prayers, as I haven’t had the words to pray.
On October 21st, 2025, I went in for minor MCL Repair Surgery, and left with major reconstructive knee surgery, of which has left me in the most agonizing pain I’ve ever endured. On the outside, I’m smiles and laughter, but on the inside I cry multiple tears a day, cry myself to sleep, pick my leg up often because it will not function. This is definitely not normal and currently we have no answers. Surgery went smoothly. My MCL and ACL were repaired, I know have a piece of my shinbone, patella, and a hamstring ligament in my knee to keep it functioning. I know — crazy to think that my own broken pieces of my knee are holding my leg together. Technology is amazing, and along with several screws, you’d think my leg would be functional. Truth is I now, can truly say, I might have a few screws loose, if something is going wrong in my life in the future. I know it’s just a figure of speed, let’s not get crazy 🤣.
Well… My quad muscles are not firing up. Sometimes, they attempt to function, most days they make me frustrated, where I find myself talking to kneezbee often. Yes. I’ve named my left knee. What? Y’all don’t do that! Kneezbee is testing my faith, my patience, and my endurance.
I never thought at the age of 42, I’d be experiencing this type of pain where I’m having to put Tens on my leg, ice, sleepless nights, tears, frustration, relying on everyone to take care of my needs.
It truly has been a humbling experience. We all have our outlets. My outlet is writing, running, crafts, worship music, and maybe adding way too many crafts to my Amazon Cart in the middle of the night. Oh and shoes, your girl here loves shoes. The truth is when you can’t really do your outlet, you find yourself questioning your purpose, what is happening? What did I do? Why me? All these negative thoughts start going through your head and that is what Satan wants you to do. He wants to get you to focus on the negative and have a pity party.
When Pain hits you mentally, you have to dust yourself off, pick yourself up, straighten your crown, and remember who you belong to.
You can’t let the hard days win! You have to keep on keeping on. The world needs you, the world is a complicated place and it wants to lose, but Jesus came to give you life and life abundantly.
When you are suffering, you have to turn your Pain into Strength. You can’t let your weakness get the best of you!
For me, not being able to have an outlet, this has strengthened my faith. It has helped me to grow as a person, an individual, and has taught me I’m tough as nails.
I refuse to let my situation destroy who I am in Christ, who I am as an athlete, and who I am as a person. It might mean I have to train harder, or take longer to heal, but my pain and suffering, have become my Mental Strength. I refuse to quit!
You might be asking yourself about the pain you are enduring… How do you overcome? How do you grow from your experience? The truth is, you are going to get out of the situation what you put into it. If you are negative; you are going to receive negative vibes. If you are positive; you will receive positive thoughts and outcomes. Your mindset is everything!
I don’t know your struggles, but I do know my own and my faith is in Jesus; he’s never let me down. I’m not giving up now!
Blessings,
Doc J
A few hours after surgery, before the pain decided to mess with my toughness.
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